We have finally made it to my reflection on this year, the 2016-2017 school year. This post will function a little bit differently because I am still in the process of thinking about this year, and will continue to reflect in the coming days and months.
This year has been one loooong and interesting year. The first thing to note is that I started to school year off in an apartment, but ended up commuting from home the other two quarters. Living close to campus had its perks. I could sleep in, I got more walking in, I was closer to a grocery store, and I had more time to myself. It also had some major drawbacks. I wasn't emotionally stable enough to be on my own, I am still not great at feeding myself, and I missed being home. One of the greatest challenges last year was being away from home. It magnified all of my problems, because I just wasn't ready for that kind of transition or responsibility. I wasn't ready during Fall quarter either, so I commuted.
Commuting is very challenging too. I have spent the last 6 months tired almost every day. I would spend long days at school, and still have a long commute back before I could eat, shower, and rest. But, it ultimately worked out, because even though it was really hard on my body, it was better for my emotional health. I got to sleep in my own bed every night. I got to spend time with my best friend. I got to go places on the weekend if time allowed, and I got a lot more time to think. Less time to get reading and work done, but more time to think. I am grateful for the commute, because it proved to me that I am capable of balancing a lot more responsibility than I used too, and that I am truly doing a lot better than even this time last year.
Up until last week, I have been going to therapy and have been on medication for over a year. I am feeling a lot better, because I have better coping strategies for managing my life. I make healthier decisions because I want to make them, and I feel more excited about life than I ever have before. It's not just because of therapy, but it has certainly helped. I also know that none of this came easily. It has happened because I have put in the time and the work. I still have days that are very hard, but I am better at handling them than before.
That has ultimately been my take away from this final year. I am feeling happier, and more stable. I am extremely happy that school is over, because it means that I get to move on to other things, Sure, a lot of aspects of being an adult still terrify me, but I feel better equipped to handle them. I am excited to work through the challenges of being an adult, both the difficult, and the fun parts. However, I have certainly had some rough moments this week. I have had doubts, confusion, fear, sadness, etc. But, I also think that they are expected and understandable emotions during a time of transition. The difference now, is that i have to be willing to make some difficult decisions in the coming weeks and months in order to continue moving in a positive direction. I think I can do it though!
Ultimately, my experiences over the last five years have been far less about traditional academic learning, and more about figuring myself out. I have made good progress, but I know that even more growth and learning is going to be necessary as I move forward. I like that college gave me the space to make mistakes. to grow, and to figure things out in a relatively controlled environment. However, I won't miss it. It wasn't just depression that caused me to dislike school. After everything I have been through in the last five years, I know that school probably wasn't for me. Or at least the school I transferred to wasn't right for me. But, I made the best out of it, and for what it's worth, I still did it! I am getting a BA in English tomorrow afternoon, and I am really proud of myself! There are probably other things I could add to this post, but I am still trying to process everything, so if it feels incomplete and scattered, that's because it is. I am still planning on writing one last post on Monday, so maybe i will continue my thoughts there. Otherwise, this has been interesting if nothing else. Reflections are always hard, because you think of all the things you could have done better, or differently. It is painful to recall some of this too, but it has been okay. I don't think that any of these memories will cause me to regress in my progress, because it's nothing that wasn't already in the back of my thoughts anyway. It's an incomplete story because there is still so much that is going to happen in the future. Gosh, I feel like a lot of this post is sentimental and gross, but I don't really care.
I forgot to add my favorite classes in my two previous posts, so I will add them here.
Fall 2014: English 46B: (19th and 20th Century British Literature) I loved this class even though it was one of my hardest classes in college. The reading was intense both in length and in content, and the papers were very challenging. But, I liked it more than my other English classes, because the material was the most interesting. I got to write a paper on my favorite Austen novel, (Northanger Abbey) and it was just a great opportunity to learn.
Spring 2015: ASL 1: I enjoyed this class, because even though it was challenging, I learned a lot, and met some cool people. It was a semester where I was only taking classes for enrichment, and while I didn't continue my study of ASL after that, I value what I learned.
Fall 2015: English on the Marriage Plot in 19th Century novels: Even though I had a tough first quarter, this class was great. I got to read and analyze some of my favorite books, while also reading new ones. I learned things that i had not considered before, and that was really great. I also got to do a presentation on Lydia Bennet's characterization across different adaptations, and that was fun!
Winter 2016: Theater 110: (Musical Theater History): Even though it was a rough quarter, this class was amazing. I love musicals theater, and so this class served as a fun way to get elective credit, while also filling in gaps in my knowledge base!
Spring 2016: English 172C: (Contemporary American Drama): I didn't like the professor for this class, but the plays we read were amazing. I had the opportunity to read things I had never even heard of before, and it was a great way to expand my knowledge base.
Fall 2016: Chicano Theater: This class was good because the professor was effective at teaching, and the material was interesting. Like with other classes, it allowed for a different perspective, and even though I didn't like waking up early on Monday mornings to go to class, it was still fun.
Winter 2017: English 164C: Fantastic Journeys Through the Novel: This class was very heavy on the reading, but it was all interesting, and allowed for extensive engagement. The final paper was a little excruciating to write, but it ended up being good.
Spring 2017: English 88; (Performance as Literary Analysis): This class was fun because it was peer taught by a fellow English major. It was small and discussion best, and it didn't feel like work the way most classes do. Also, I got to perform "Words Fail" form Dear Evan Hansen as my final, so that was exciting!
I will do an "epilogue" of sorts on Monday, but for now, this about does it.
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